I'm drunk!

i am drunk!
stuck between the freedom and the poison
pain has drifted out on a shot glass!
i amuse myself to no end.
i wish i could cure my pain,
oops, jack daniels already did!

tomorrow might brings headaches and regret.
i have self administrated my own pain medication.
getting on the healthy band wagon causes me pain.
my story is simple,
i'm the woman that has no happy ending!

i struggle with my understanding,
technology broadcast every fault.
love rises above dead doves,
i kill my heart for you.
who dares to defile me descends from heaven.
if you fall in love your flesh burns.

i regret this mess.
but i confess that this is a bad decision.
i enjoy this disconnected vision.
wrap me up and take me to bed
i want to touch another human being besides myself.

i got here full of gutter thoughts,
i can forgive you, but not myself,
all this is typed in a haze,
thank God, i'm still well behaved.

Lonliness Starts in Our Hearts

i knocked on your door but you never answered
i saw you inside before i knocked
i guess we've officially come apart
me and my anxiety's are at home now
i love how you told me at the start
if you no longer wanted me you'd just tell me
that's one more lie you told me

the way a man can drop off the planet
when he wants to rid himself of a woman
would make the great harry houdini proud
there's no mystery in playing the coward
women are driven to extremes by men
who refuse to give them closure
i've given up believing closure even exists

everyone denies involvement when a heart breaks
i wish i could be as cavalier as you,
but my conscience smacks me around when i let it down
we chase our tails hoping to catch ourselves,
be we never get anywhere and we want to place blame elsewhere
these are the games big boys and girls like to play

i listen to you tell a repeat of a misadventure in romance
the players have changed, but the game remains the same
you say you're tired of it and it's got you down
i suggest a break from love to get your head out of the clouds
but you're scared of the lonliness that lurks in the dark
my darling, lonliness starts in our hearts

i understand what it's like to have time on your hands
it's not a bad thing to be your own best friend
we fear being on our own
but we are born and we die alone
the only person we should depend on is ourselves
peace begins from within
and doubt comes from others mouths.

The Day after Mania

my energy bubble has popped.
yesterday i couldn't be stopped.
today every happy thought i had got its knee caps whacked.
my sleep brought shifting dreams that were jacked.
i cannot escape the dark side of me.

my hyper balloon has deflated.
my joyous mood got concatenated.
my ipod is back to songs that are mellow.
the voices in my head are back in tune with the cello.
i cannot swim against the sad rip tide.

my optimistic glasses got sat on and broken.
too many words got spoken.
i asked for honesty.
now i feel like a travesty.
i am harboring my own criminal.

my whirling dervish has collapsed.
i've had a depressive relapse.
there are many people now dazed and confused.
they are no longer amused.
i've split myself in two!

my speeding mind has crashed.
the manic feelings have ben stashed.
i do enjoy my up days,
but when they pass i pay!
the cycle has bested my control again.

Galaxy

world shifting, axis tilting, stars spinning
heart exploding, ears rushing, pulse racing
falling, i'm falling

sun imploding, planets colliding, galaxy expanding
giggling rapidly, tongue tied, stomach clenched
falling, i'm falling

i dance in my mind with you
in the middle of the living room floor
the bottom of the stairs
in the master closet
on my bed
it's everywhere we've been
i am falling deeper then i ought to
i've caught a tiger by his tail
and i want to yell!

moon eclipsing, asteroids passing, blackholes sucking
nerves rattled, palms sweating, lips licking
falling, i'm falling

clouds moving, rain pouring, skies darkening
thoughts doubting, stupid grinning, hyper driving
falling, i'm falling

i lie against you flesh against flesh in my mind
your smile blinds me
your warmth melts me
your voice entices me
on my bed
it's every part of you i want to touch
i'm falling faster then i want
you've got my attention,
and my entire galaxy is revolving around you!

Disarmed

i want what is bad for me.
on the sabbath day, all i can think about is you.
life threw me a curve ball on a tuesday.

i let a fox into my hen house.
i invited him in and showed him around.
his advances caught me off guard,
but now pandora's box has been opened.
dag nab it, my sexual curiosity has be reawakened!!!

my physical condition is improving.
my breathing is easing.
but men can see me now.
i fear being found attractive.
why do i have to be thinner to be healthy?
my buffer of fat is disappearing.
i'll now have learn how to interact with him.

i like my walks and i'm a bundle of energy.
the house is neat and organzied.
i feel better about myself,
but i worry about falling for a smooth one like you.
i can do it this time.
i don't know what has changed,
but i haven't panicked like before.

my life has improved.
i'm learning to love what God has given me.
i will figure out this new body.
my renewed vow of chasity will hold out.
i was temporarily disarmed by his charms,
but a voice told me to flee fornication.
thank you God, for helping me out of a sticky situation!

The Symptoms

i am afraid you will leave and you haven't arrived yet.
i blame myself for my own mind games.
if i lie and say it's what i like,
will you come back into my personal gravity?
my feelings are tied up within myself.
i can be your north pole if you'd be my south.

i am paying more attention now.
i'm boosting my sexual intensity,
but you refuse to react to me.
i find the effort refreshing.
i hate when it comes easy,
so i keep building up the fantasy.
i hope you can deliver a 1/4 of what i'm dreaming.

you are my current obsession.
i let the last one go for you.
he was a hopeless attempt.
you show promise to bring me multiple orgasms.
it's hard to keep me satisfied.
i'd like to give you another opportunity to try.

you have no idea how you've sent my world spinning.
i had gotten comfortable with my lonely routine.
your little smirk and fleeting touches haunt my dreams.
i'm looking forward to riding you,
so i'll keep prancing around for you.
because i got the disease of lust bad,
and you're the only relief for these symptoms!

Hot Men

i have no idea what i am doing.
my instruction booklet is in simlish.
out of left field came an unexpected offer.
i could not process it, so i laughed.
now time has passed and i want a do over,
but the chance has passed.

waves and smiles are exchanged,
like nothing changed.
i'm amazed at the power of intentional forgetfulness.
i wonder what you would do,
if i winked and blew you a kiss?
mix it up and have some fun with you.

i know i made the right decision.
physical delights are temporary.
i'm missing the spiritual connections.
my mind runs through the possibilities,
but my history predicts a horrible end.
when i play with hot men,
i'm always the one who burns!!!

A Good Time

i had fun today,
me and my family.
there was laughter
and true happiness.
a good time was had by all!

as we rest quietly,
the images process rapidly.
joy and peace settles
upon our hearts.
we are tired and content.
our good time will be remembered by all!

memories have been created,
like capturing magic in a bottle.
the imprints of experience
leave these jovial marks.
i am zealously storing every second.
this good time might never be repeated,
but it will be held dear by all!

Family

feelings are not contained
all i need is a smile
my family doesn't try to change me
i am theirs and they are mine
love is just given not demanded
you aren't complete without them

family accepts you
abundance of laughter and memories
mixtures of all kinds of crazy
imaginations run wild
little ones are adored
you look forward to seeing them

full of encouragement
allowing you to show every emotion
my family takes the brunt of my worst moods
i love them the most
life would be empty without them
you wish you could love them more

fantastic and incouragable
attitudes and misunderstanding
meemaw's and mamaw's all have an opinion
illogical reactions can strain the bonds
leaps of faith are often required
you can't pick and choose them

faith is a must
aquiring patience will help
making time for them is important
i hope one day they'll forgive me
love has to be a two way street
years can turn love cold as distance grows

family isn't always want you want it be
absence can destroy love
mistakes can stack up around you
ignorance rears its ugly head
like mindedness can disappear
yes, family can be both the best and the worst thing to ever happen to you.

God Knows I'm Here

why do i bleed so much when my heart's been ripped out?
why do i cling to an idea that doesn't want me?
power leaves my body and i grow weak.
my mind gets caught up in fantasies.
i can not live on hope alone.
i hunger for more.
i am sick of chewing on old bones.

i am not important to the world.
God knows i'm here,
but i struggle to keep him.
i weep when i hurt.
i leap for joy when i don't.
i got to have a good day today.
tomorrow, i don't know what mood i'll wake up in.

why do i lie to people to spare their feelings?
why do i cry for no reason?
my night's are lonely and i grow weak.
my body longs for the warmth of a man's touch.
i can't live on faith alone.
i have to learn to trust.
i have to let myself fall in love.

i am not someone special to you.
God knows i'm here,
but i struggle to keep him near.
i want to be more like you.
you are full of warmth and kindness.
i don't want to dominate our conversations.
tomorrow, i will ask you your thoughts and listen!

Peace and Words

nothing i write will add up to anything of consequence.
if the power of words could bring peace to every heart,
who would not hesitate to jot them down?
who would not read them?
who would not repeat them like a mantra?
who would not spread these perfect words to every one else?

the viral community spreads both bad and good.
there's no balance in actions to be had between the two.
i've opened my ears and heart to listen for and receive a message.
the bounty of trust isn't enough to cover this sinner's debts.

i am learning patience.
the task is more difficult then i understood it to be,
but if patience were simple, everyone would have it.
i construct a newer and stronger infastructure around myself.
i will need to drop my extra baggage.
i am steadfast in this opportunity to better myself.

my attempts to capture emotions are unsatisfactory.
mere text can not map out the complexities of my feelings.
i wanted in faith and i doubted, yet hoped.
my tongue is not attached to my mind.
my heart speaks faster then i can comply.
data is lost in the mazes of my brain.
i am sad that you have to see me this way.

i've painted my moods upon spiral canvases for decades now.
i have reviewed my musings many times,
but my reflections have left me disappointed.
my follies are immense and i repeat my mistakes often.
my heart is blind, deaf and very dumb.
but when it wants something it communicates to me via loudspeaker
and all other logic is trumped by its desires.

my words are my crimes.
i cataloged them for my own persecution.
they read like a cheap torrid romance novel.
i want him. i need him. i love him.
he does't want me. he doesn't love me.
i bore myself to tears!
the subject of love continues to vex me.
i'm tired of chasing it.
i'm not hiding, so why can't it find me?

Yes, if i could find the words to bring peace to every heart,
i'd hold them close and say only them for the rest of my days.
peace is the absence of love.
peace is the disappearance of thought.
only peace can calm my love drunk heart.

Magical Elves

lately my mind wanders down memory lane.
i fondly remember playing from dawn to dusk.
my smile is bittersweet as i recall the ones who never got to grow up.
i carry their memories like a precious rare gem.
i hoard all the moments i had with them.
their love goes on even though they don't.

sweeter was the ice cream in the summer.
the sun shined brighter and the nights were darker.
i got in a hurry to grow up and i can't remember why.
i thought i was missing something as a teenager,
but now i kick myself for not taking the time to just be a kid.

i can't reverse the forward march of time.
but i can't help myself to dream of lightning bugs and hugs.
is it because i'm lonely now?
or maybe my responsibilities are wearing me down?
i used to think being an adult meant doing whatever i wanted.
now i laugh at my ignorant youthful self.
i have a chore list so long it never is done.

i watch my daughter struggle against growing up.
she is 20 now.
i tell her that the time has come to give up childish things.
she clings to her youthful ways like life raft.
i remind her at her age i had a 2 year old.
my daughter is well aware that there are no magical elves to clean up after you.

i don't push her to hard.
i am jealous of her.
i wish i had taken more time to have fun.
i was arrogant in my youth.
i thought it would last forever.
so i'll let her hang on to her's just a little longer.

Reunited

i learn something new every day.
my lines blur and cross, but i am stronger now.
my weaknesses are fading.
i gather my bad thoughts and tie them up with twine.
i set them on fire and watch the wind carry them away.
i keep the Holy Ghost close to my heart.
yes, i am stronger then i thought.

home isn't defined my walls and roofs.
my home is God's domain.
my soul lives to do his will.
i purify myself by my actions.
i see the path clearly now.
God is calling me home and where ever he wants me is where i must go.

i have forgiven myself because Jesus forgave my sins.
i can not linger on my past.
the future is brighter and lighter for me.
my tears served a purpose.
i had to cry so i could let go.
my internal compass points true north.

there is no doubt anymore.
God is my father.
Jesus is my savior.
the Holy Ghost is my guide.

i will never get lost again.
i've given up trying to steer.
i go where the spirit tells me to go.
if i get confused, i am a prayer away from clarity.

my hands work in unison with God's angels.
this joy is the greatest i've ever known.
i spent years making what is simple complicated,
but now i'm reunited with my Lord!

Baby Bird

i'm in the middle of an internal war.
i tug and pull trying to free myself from sin.
my soul is half light and half darkness.
i make a little progress towards good
and i hear my screams in my dreams.
i cry and the salt burns my eyes.

you reach out to pull me to safety.
i try to hold on but it's not working.
i can't meet all the demands.
i feel the world crushing my chest.
i hear the whispers, has she lost it yet?
i turn to Jesus and fall into his words.
i hope when i emerge i am healed.

i feel like a baby bird that's fallen out of the nest.
i'm still new in the ways of good.
i don't know how to fly yet.
i'm trying to gather all the scraps of my past.
i want to put them to rest.
what is the point of starting over if you forget why you need to?

i see the stage set for my first performance.
there's an audience of one.
He sees what's on my mind
and what's in my heart.
His love is all that matters.
i've had a 1,000 chances, but he never tires.
He always welcomes me home.

this is the beginning of a new me.
i've tried before, but i never get to the happy ending.
i always fell off the wagon,
but i've never taken it this seriously before.
i carry His words everywhere with me.
i use His spirit like a shield to protect me.
i know my time grows short.
the only person i keep hurting is myself.

my eternity will be whatever i make it to be.
God will be with every step i take.
my faith is armor that covers me.
i will fight my battles day by day.
every choice i make brings me closer to heaven or hell.
there's no one else i can blame if i fail!
i accept God's will.

Crying Season or Hey

hey, i was thinking about you today.
you drifted into my thoughts,
like the ebb of a noon day tide.
i found you circling my mind.
i couldn't recall the last time you called.
it seems like we both want something.
i think you're out to save my soul
and i just want a warm body to hold.

hey, i cried for no reason today.
just burst into tears like it was crying season.
i'm not sure when it stopped,
but i thought it would be nice if i had your shoulder to cry on.
your shoulder's look strong,
like you coud carry an extra burden or ten,
but you want a friend.
and i want an intimate committment.

hey, i wanted to tell you something.
i think about your back story
and i think you are awesome.
how you lied to me about what your tattoo meant.
i smile when you reach out to me.
i may not be able to give you much,
but i'll bring everything i've got.
sadly, it has never proven enough for anyone.

hey, do you know i pray for you?
i find it odd that i do.
you aren't suffering,
but i want a better day for you.
the simplest way to express myself is to pray to God.
i tell him how great i think you are.

hey, don't forget to stay in touch.
i'm outside your usual circle,
but you could stop by from time to time.
i don't know if i ever cross your mind.
your smile would brighten my day.
your memory already brings me light.
i thirst for you like a person in the desert with no water.

hey, i know one day you'll be great.
you are a better person then i am.
you stopped and offered me your hand
and i am thankful for you.
you are a good and honest man.
i know i don't deserve you.

Migraine

i am locked into a battle with my own head.
the pain hides beneath my skull.
it pounds with no mercy.
my eyes close to shut out the light.
i pray for God to help me with this fight.

i wake up hot and sweaty.
the scent of illness lingers on my flesh.
my fever burns me from the inside out.
i worry about the day.
how am i to function this way?

i take a cold shower to lower my body heat.
i think i see steam coming off of my body.
i take the recommended medications.
i hope they are able to kill the monster inside my brain.
my skin is hot to the touch.
i curl up on my couch and cry.

i fall into a deep drug induced sleep.
my dreams are hazy, disturbed and brief.
i awake to the sound of a horn.
the dog licks the salt from the tracks of my tears.
i slept 2 hours, but the migraine still rages.
the migraine is winning this war.

it takes all the strength i have to get up.
i stumble to the kitchen sink to drink some water.
the day's are longer when the pain is stronger.
i am overwhelmed from this battle.

i manage to get up the stairs
and collapse into my bed.
i lie there staring up at the ceiling,
while the migraine strangles my thoughts.

i close my eyes and try to focus.
i utter one sentence,
God please help me!
finally, i drift off into the solace of sleep.

it's 2 am now.
i have awoken feeling better.
i take another cold shower.
the fever is gone,
but the migraine desperately hangs on.

the pain is now dull.
it is a welcomed change.
i thank God for the relief.
i can see the light at the end of this excruciating tunnel.

i smile a little bit.
my migraines and i have a long history.
it's not my friend, but a bitter enemy.
one day i had hoped they'd disappear,
but now i know the migraines will come and go as they please.

i will enjoy the peace in between these battles.

Overworked!

my mind is racing.
my heart is chasing shadows again.
i search for meaning behind the words i am reading,
but i am lost.

i am spending too many hours working for my paycheck
and not enough towards saving my soul.
my 5th straight week with nearly 60 hours worked.
i've forgotten where work ends and my life is supposed to begin.

there's no relief in sight for this overtime
and the worst part is i'm salary.
so the more i work, the more my hourly rate drops.

i'm so tired.
last night i even worked in my sleep.
i don't know how much longer i can keep this pace.
my butt and lower back have constant cramps.

i work at work.
i work at home.
i even answer emails when i'm on the road.

i'm burning this tight rope from both ends.
i have no safety net to break my fall.
i've use the past 20 minutes to walk around and stretch.
the day started at 6am and it shows no sign of ending.

this is just the beginning.
the busy season begins in september.
i have until the end of august to get all my systems in a row.
then we dig into our backlog of work.
my vacation will be working ones.

this has to be why 1 out of 4 americans are depressed.
i'm overworked and stressed.
i have sharp pains in my chest.
i'm thankful for the job, but work knows it.
it's still hard to find work.

the economy is not as recovered as dc hoped.
so i think i will find a way to cope.
most of my coping skills are destructive.
i need to learn some new tricks.

my 20 minutes are up.
it's back to the keyboard.
bck to work.
am i wicked?
cuz i hear there's no rest for the wicked!

Undivided Affections

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth:
for thy love is better then wine." SS 1:2

my mind hangs on the magic of your touch.
these thoughts of mine are backsliding to the sweet sins of flesh.
vanity is unholy and i've underestimated your pull.
there's a fire raging in my heart and fear dancing on my nerves.
i have to find strength to reject this evil.

my madness spreads through to my soul.
i have lost the wisdom of the truth.
my devotion has become a lesson in fragility and sorrow.
the advesary is gifted in disguising lust as love.
God is jealous and demands my undivided affections.
i know where my duty lies.

the afterlife will be bleak if i die steeped in lies.
i am sane right now.
i keep this moment as a souvenir.
i must be blunt with myself.
the way i desire him is the signature of the devil himself.
these temporary obsessions of mine are destructive.
more proof to me that my journey toward heaven will be long and arduous.

"For God shall bring every work into judgement, with every secret thing,
whether it be good, or whether it be evil." ECC 12:14

every thought that has ever been in my head;
every desire that has ever twisted in my heart;
is under review, so i have to learn to control myself more.
i have to pray harder then ever before to resist these temptations.
God deserves my undivided affections.

Path to Heaven

i knew my freedom wasn't perfect.
i was slipping into temporal desires that led nowhere.
i thought once your innocence was lost you could never be clean again.
i would follow the teachings of Jesus for a little while,
but i'd run low on spiritual fuel and abandon ship.

i didn't understand the directions.
i let lust and doubt interrupt my journey.
my efforts would easily be derailed by sin disguised as good.
i'd fall for all the pretty boys and their satin words.
i thought i was in love, but i was just in lust.

my faith would be tested again and again.
i'd cry for hours desperate for a sign that i was on the right track.
i was little in faith and terrified of the future.
i decided to focus on now and pray.
the clouds parted and the sunshine was brilliant.
i was blessed with the comfort of the Holy Ghost.

i realized the trappings of this life are nothing.
i could not depend on others to lead my way.
only i can determine the path i take to heaven.
i don't have to be a visionary to see how beautiful God made everything.
i no longer fear the fury of damnation.
this is true freedom, like God, it is perfect.

Pacing

i pace in the anxious worry of fear's embrace.
my mind races from worse to the worst case scenario.
i know there is no one that will come to save me.
and i don't understand why i can't overcome my own neurosis.

i would walk away from myself, but i'm attached.
i tossed and turned last night struggling with insomnia again.
sleep is so hard to come by that i begin to break.
i'd take some pills, but they stopped working.

i turn to the good book for some good advice.
i notice the word fornicate is in there alot.
my thoughts are not holy ones.
i miss a man's touch.
why do i make it so difficult for me to love?

i combatted a migraine last night.
i think it was a draw.
my head now aches dull, but the migraine isn't gone.
but the pain is at least tolerable to me.
i wonder if i'll ever be free from pain.

i know what i am thinking about is a sin.
it is selfish and self seving and wrong.
but my own mind still brings it up as an alternative.
i turn it down, i can't try to do that again.

my dreams are drawn to my own demise.
i'm sure the same people will be there.
the same group always shows up.
i stand there and watch.
i ask if i must go.
i'm told no, but i must choose, either start living or lose.

i had made progress.
one night has turned me inside out.
it is amazing how my pendulum swings.
it defies gravity in how it can move against all possibilities.
i want to be a better person,
but right now i'm just fighting to stop huring.

i pace around my living room thinking i should be praying instead.

Right Through Me

if i could borrow a better singing voice tonight, i would sing this little melody for God.

hope has never been so sweet.
as i grow stronger in my faith,
every day i learn your plans for me.
i will not cheapen you.
i am blessed to be yours.

i have been lost
and i have been weary,
but you saw right through me.

i'm building on the right foundation now.
your words filling me with joy.
thank you for sending an every day angel.

i have been stupid
and i have been wasteful,
but you saw right through me.

love was temporary for me.
i always envied others.
you opened my eyes to what matters.
my possessions are not my worth.

i am awakened
and i am welcomed,
but you won't ever hesitate to see through me.

if i falter,
if i fall,
you will always call me out.
you see right through to the heart of me.

tomorrow will bring more temptations.
there's always a choice
and i fear making the wrong one.
you send your spirit to guide me,
if i shut up long enough to hear.

i have been careless
and i have been lazy,
but you see through me.

i know you see through my fears to who i want to be.
i know you love me all the time.
O, God, my heavenly Father,
you see right through to the heart of me
and i thank you for keeping me.

Thank You for it All.

i went to sit outside because i need the sun.
i got to thinking about what else i need.
i need the sun because i'm low on vitamin d.
i can't see this need, but it's in my blood,
like how i need Jesus' sacrifice to return to God.

i can't plead ignorance.
i can't deny his existence.
the years i wasted running away from the truth.
there's only one thing i have left to do,
accept my eternal destiny and be blessed.

i have been foolish.
i have been reckless.
my youth left scars far deeper then the ones you can see.
you took from me more then i thought i could bare,
but you blessed me more then i ever knew.
your spirit was there to comfort me in my darkest hour.
all you've ever shown me is love.

i can't turn away.
i can't be afraid.
i still have time to make amends.
there's only one thing i haven't done.
i get on my knees, bow my head
and say a prayer to thank you for it all!

for the good and the bad,
for all the angels you sent to help me along the way,
for your patience,
this life i have now i'd never change.
no matter how destructive i got to be,
you never gave up on me.
thank you God.
thank you for it all!

A Basic Miracle

i had stockpiled my fears in every corner everywhere,
like a hoarder i could no get rid of a single fear.
my way loaded me down, like an anchor,
i was docked, stagnent at the port of depression.
i refused to receive forgiveness in my heart.
my talent was lying on the ground rotting.
i couldn't believe there'd ever be a place in heaven for me.
i thought my mortal body would get one performance.
i had forgotten my soul is endless.

i would see myself physically trapped in hell.
the fires of my sins surrounded me with their hot revenge.
i accepted that i was doomed to burn,
then on a tuesday evening, my path was diverted.
it took the warmth of human kindness reaching out to me to save me.

i resisted the gentle persuasion of the spirit.
you persisted to prepare me through unconditional acceptance.
slowly, through your love, a miracle overcame my doubts.
the basics are the easiest lessons to forget.
my perceptions began to shift.
i looked into my newly awakened eyes to see hope.

the abundance of the spirit you planted within me began to grow.
i was no longer afraid of running out of time.
i stopped thinking about death as a final end.
the scaricity of my faith was an illusion fed to me by the advesary.

i replaced sin with love.
i erased the errors of my past.
i embraced my natural gifts at last.
now i know true freedom is the absence of fear!

Waste of a Day

i feel the energy drain from my body.
i woke up exhausted,
like i ran a marathon in my sleep.
i'm not sure what it means, but today is hard on me.
i'm sitting quietly in my assigned seat.
ipod plugged into my ears.
i zone out and pray 5pm comes quickly.
my brain is parked in neurtral for the day.

i don't want to move a single inch,
but the candy is at the end of the hall.
chocolate sounds really good to me right now.
i weigh the pro's and con's of getting up.
i decide to stay put unitl after lunch.
i know i'm not the only one to have a day like today.

my internal monologue continues unabated.
i lose myself in nonsensical thoughts.
i dart and skip from one fantasy to another.
work tries to pull me away but i resist.
i know i'm expected to give 100%,
but the 10% i have today barely runs me.
i can't even remember how to transfer a call!

i think it's safe to say this is a waste of a day.
so i pull completely into my shell.
close my eyes and drift off into hell.
tomorrow i can try again to be better,
but today i'm just not going to win.
i take some pills for the pain.
i say a prayer and call it a day!

Not Sad and Not Mad (Amen)

i am falling, helplessly, calling for an angel to catch me.
i was wondering where i was going when you stopped to talk to me.
i was feeling lower then low the day we met through pure happenstance.

and

i'm not sad and i'm not mad.
these things will pass.
i won't worry about your past.
i've put these issues into the proper hands.
now i've just got to say amen, amen, amen.

i'm searching, endlessly reaching out for you to take my hand.
i am seeking to understand where you are coming from.
you are feeling lost but i swear to you my heart remains true to you.

and

you're not mad and you're not sad.
we both know these things will pass.
we can't waste our time worrying about the past.
we've put this in the proper hands.
now say it with me, amen, amen, amen.

we're hoping, strongly believing, God will see us through.
together we are blazing a brand new trail.
we build our future as one renewed in faith.
we are feeling optimistic and joyful because we know it's simple.

and

we don't get sad and we don't get mad.
we turn to the Lord to set us free.
we listen to that still small voice to guide us where we need to be.
you can never go wrong if you put your problems in God's hands.
all you to do is lift up your troubles and say amen, amen, amen.