The Best and The Worst of Me

tear me apart, toss me into the wind,
let me ride it up then down again.
maybe all these feelings will blow away.
you wanted me, well baby, you got the best and the worst of me.

you make your case, throw that book at me,
i'll tell you anything you want to hear.
and if i'm lucky you'll believe i can change.
you asked for me, well baby, i gave you the best and the worst of me.

my brain is always shifting gears. you're my neutral,
i need time to fine tune me.
miracles are just hard work finally paying off.
you said you needed me, well baby, this is the best and the worst of me.

hang on to my upswing, the mood will change,
there's a hand at this wheel that's not mine.
you can't keep up with all my sharp turns.
you wanted to follow me, well baby, it goes both ways the best and the worst of me.

take your time to decide, our fates have intertwined,
the knots are already tied.
this rope can hang or save us.
you said you love me, well baby, you got to love both the best and the worst of me!

Parasitic Host

i wrap myself up in my personal make believe;
hunkered down and ready to defend every delusion i have left to the end!
i'm not dumb!
reality is not my friend.
i'm ugly.
i'm fat.
i'm hosting a parasite and it's all my fault!

i crawl into bed and surrender to the game.
i can't take one more heartache or one more broken promise.
even my appliances are dying!
i know i have to go into the world tomorrow.
i accept the fact i have to function to eat, but i won't accept defeat.
i'm escaping from this drudgery.
i'm grabbing my dreams and losing myself in them.

i don't always know what i want and i never seem to get what i need.
the tediousness of my waking seconds depresses me.
i tried to be better.
the odd in me suffered.
my blood runs backwards like all my lover's leave me.
i find comfort when i'm asleep.
i twist and turn out all the knots when my eyes are closed.

i wake up into uncertainty and confusion.
i break!
my closeness to insanity varies from hour to hour.
i have my little moments of victory that get me through the day.
all i ask for is quiet, but the static stalks me.
he has left me.
i'm not surprised.
i can't undo me.
i'm becoming one with solitude.
chit chat bores me.
nothing engages my senses.
i want to stay here and hide.
one day maybe when the parasite dies i'll bother to try!

Over This

i'm over this. the falling asleep with the cell phone praying you'll call.
jumping at every beep thinking you've reached out to me.
i'm over this. the waiting for you to keep your word.
the anxiousness tied to not knowing how you feel.
i'm over this. the way you do just enough to string me along.
your nonchalant attitude towards our love.

you told me you loved me.
you said you wanted to make a baby with me.
you sold me every shining piece of you and when i bought into you;
you switched yourself out with a cold distant son of a bitch whose never here!

i'm over this. begging for a minute of your attention.
being frustrated and unsatisfied every time you leave me.
i'm over this. my needs being laughed at by you.
my emotions being ignored.
i'm over this. you acting like i'm nothing to you.
everyone and everything being more important then me to you.

you said we'd be together forever.
you told me i'd be in your world.
you painted a perfect picture of a happy family and when i went to hang it on the wall;
the picture fell apart, crashed to the ground into a 1,000 pieces.

i'm over this. not knowing what you want or need from me.
hoping you show up when you say you will.
i'm over this. your vague excuses and justifications for your behavior.
your worn out speeches on patience.
i'm over this. because i deserve so much more!
because my heart is NOT your revolving door!

The Hell of It

tonight i'm pounding an upbeat drum that is rolling down hill faster then i can run.
if these are the trials and tribulations i can't complain others have greater pain.
i try to remain emotionally intact, but misery loves to knock me off track.
he's still inside of me keeping me strong;
i'm still in love with him, lies and all!

i back peddle and switch gears just to hold on.
it's not easy loving someone whose half way out the door.
he doesn't feel regret and he never looks back.
he's the one i have to do better for.
tonight i'm rolling the dice right off the cliff.
there's no sense in playing if you're afraid to lose.

there are so many thoughts rattling around my brain,
but my heart is sold and he has my soul.
the closer i try to get to him the harder he is to find.
inside i'm out of control screaming maniac crazy person.
all you see is raised eyebrows and a grin.
i have no idea where this love goes,
but i'll keep on the road until we crash and burn.

everything works better when you have control.
i was bluffing when i said i could let you go.
you're a better gambler then me and it shows.
you hold all the cards i've built my feelings on.
at any moment you could knock me down just for the hell of it!

Little Thoughts

Do I think too small?
Do I think at all?
If i have a thought does it matter?
all my little thoughts must lead somewhere for me.
i'm not sure where to be but i'm not sitting here for free.
all my dreams get filed in number 13, how can i think bigger thoughts for me?

i cut myself short and talk myself down.
i hold balloons but never leave the ground.
i make up words so i can say i'm smart, but it's all nonsense, just like my thoughts.
take me up to the clouds i will live there.
fill my head with trivial crap so i won't need it.
i know which way to turn if i never go left.

do i think about you?
do i think about me?
if i think about us does it matter?
all my little thoughts don't add up to anything for me.
i'm not convinced i have what it takes to make it big.
all my hopes get dashed in salt and pepper, how can i think of a better flavor?

i put myself up and drown myself out.
i slash the tires on my think i can bus.
if my life was a movie, i'd play dumb and dumber, but it's all stupidity, just like my thoughts!
bury my head in the sand i like it there.
ignorance is comfortable and i wear it everywhere.
i know you don't trust me i lie because i want too.

do i think this poem sucks?
do i think you are bored?
if i think it's time to quit does it matter?
all my little thoughts evaporate into air.
i'm quivering in anticipation of my fears.
all my cleverness ran out about 10 years ago so none of this matters!

Doomed

the urge to call or text is overwhelming.
you pulled the plug.
you ended it.
i was brave at work, i swallowed my tears,
but on the way home i cried like i hadn't in years.

i'm so confused.
i don't know what to do.
so i'm suffering alone on the couch,
hopelessly lost because i couldn't figure you out.

your reaction surprised me.
we have a mutual acquaintance.
it should have been an it's a small world after all moment,
but you exploded and freaked out on me.
then you accused me of being a creepy cyber stalker,
like i was hunting you and your friends down online.

you didn't even say you were sorry.
you began to grill me.
things spiraled out of control.
then you said i was too much drama
and you let me go!

i'm hurt and sad but not mad.
i'm giving you time and space.
all my friend think you're hiding something
and that is why you got up in my face,
but i just miss you being at my place.

this love still echos inside of me.
i'm ruined by you and now i'm without you.
i feel doomed!

A Million Dandelions

he asked for my soul,
i handed it over; no doubts, no hesitation, no fears;
he asked for my lust,
i gave him all i had then he left and i got more;
he gave me his seed,
i'm trying to use it to fill a hole inside of me;
he gave me his love,
i took it and screamed at him it's not enough;

now we've reached reality,
the ecstatic mood has been broken;
an awkwardness has engulfed our every interaction,
my rational thoughts are flooding back to me;
the bell can not be unrung,
his hazel eyes have seen me crazy;

now there's secrets and lies,
i feel dirty, ashamed and unworthy;
he can't forget what his absence bore,
and i can't escape who i am when i'm not his whore;
time draws us closer to the bitter end,
love can't mend shredded dreams;

i stumbled over the ghost's of lovers past,
he boiled and now he simmers over it in his mind;
i snuck across a digital line,
my friend my fault and i agree;
i'm my own worst enemy and my own best friend;

i keep hope alive on caffeine and pizza,
he works himself into a numb living death;
i'll bury us under a million dandelions,
our love will never be gone;
we will forever float in the wind,
the seeds of us planting where ever they land!

Bat Shit Crazy

you filled me up a couple of times.
i feed upon your need of me.
you know the tip of my iceberg,
but what lies below my pink flesh is deep.
i don't know yet if it'll sink us or if you can swim through this!

i see rough waters ahead.
you aren't the only one with crazy in the genes.
my own blood fights sensible choices.
you tell me you're the normal one compared to who you're related to.
in my family i'm the normal one too, but i'm still bat shit crazy!

i fear exposing all of who i am to you.
scenarios play out to a captive audience in my head.
my dreams are filled with doom and gloom.
the economy looks robust compared to my hopes for us.
i count the days we've been together.
i'm amazed i've held it together this long.
you're the calm in the eye of my inner storm.
i hope you're strong!

i want to be swept away by you.
pick me up and carry me away.
be my calgon!
be my hero!
i put too much baggage upon your shoulders.
i fret about you throwing out your back.
right now it's alright, but i know how quickly the tides change.

i don't get you all the time.
i'm a small piece in the puzzle of your life.
my greed pushes me to plead for more of you.
right now you're flattered and amused.
i believe the power i give to you binds you too.
we've bonded to each other's weaknesses.
i'm hoping by the time you see my flip side you're in to deep to flee.

the swing moves even when i'm not in the seat.
my emotions constantly push it.
sometimes it's gentle, back and forth,
almost hypnotic, it sways.
but sudden and violent changes take place.
up in the air i go, higher then i can fly.
back over dead territory and digging up graves,
then i jump for my life
and down to the ground i crash and cave!

be proud you say!
be you you say!
i believe i still love you.
sometimes i will say or do harm to you.
forgive me when you throw me away.
i know what i'm doing but i do it anyways.
bat shit crazy makes me this way!
sometimes

Insecurities

my insecurities are stalking me.
you're steeped in sickness but i fret over your unresponsiveness.
i feel like i need you more then you need me.
the voices of discontent grow louder in my head.
i want to believe your reasons are legitimate,
but the lies of past lover's leave me unconvinced.

i pick apart our time spent.
is there a deception i have missed tucked away among your perfect words?
a riddle or mystery waiting to be solved has emerged.
this has been an amazing journey,
but my daddy's words echo, "if it's too good to be true,
then he's probably lying to you"

my flaws are becoming prominent.
your concern for your own contentment grows.
you have your life all planned out and i'm not in it.
i'm a wildcard that only cast doubts.
you reassure me it'll be okay.
you tell me i have nothing to worry about
then why am i worried?

my feet cast shadows on the wall.
i watch my fears come out to play.
i don't know how to turn these lemons into lemonade.
i don't have the nerve to complain.
you explained yourself just yesterday,
but i'm still confused!

the pressure to be who you want gets to me.
i want to be who you think i am.
i hide the bitter, fearful, depressed parts of me.
i struggle every day to be half of who i am.
i don't want to ruin the illusions you have.
you are what i see i wish i could be more like you.

my insecurities are ready to overtake me.
just beyond my reach is sanity.
i must resist the urge to flip my lid.
there's questions i have that are unreasonable.
i keep waiting for my fears to fade, but know i now they are my friends.
this is how i protect my heart.
i freak out then fall apart!

Poppies

where do the poppies go?
they go in your arm.
they go into your blood.
they seep into your soul.
that's where the poppies go.

Borderline Suffocation

i have too much space!
my hyperness has become borderline suffocation.
i found my place, but you cannot co-habitate in blissed domestication.
there's obligations and duties for you to enforce.

take a lesson and write me down.
blend your habits up and i'll swallow them all.
you're evasiveness is running me into the ground.
my patience stretched to hip popping painful levels perplexed.

did we find each other just to lose one another?
please come here to fill up the echoes in my head.
i know you need time and air to breath.
the same two elements smother me.

you're counting my flaws.
they're adding up and you have none at all.
give me some of your confidence.
i need a protein boost to get me through this.

we make everything about you.
the less you learn about me the better you adore me.
each layer you peel back feels like i'm under attack.
i try to undress to distract you from my psychological distress.

where is the sun?
it left with you along with the fun.
i tell you i only want to please you, but you think i'm lying.
only time will flush out the truth.

life began when you said you love me.
you have all the bullets in my gun.
shoot my heart out, it's yours!
just don't twist it until hurts.

Fat and Blame

i've backed myself into the corner again.
i sit there likes it's the only place that ever felt like home.
my troubles replay on an infinite loop.
the more i change the more i end up here.
my hopes are washed away by my tears.
the fears harbor me and i hold them near.
i begged myself to let go of the past, but my chains are pure titanium!

faces and places lose their impact.
i can't remember what i forgot.
all the nonsense makes sense to me.
my thoughts form but never sink in.
i'm treading water but afraid to swim.
i want one person to accept as i am, but no one cares!

i laugh for no reason.
these up's and down's are my seasons.
i could convict my soul for high treason.
i handed out my heart like it's replaceable.
i keep getting angry at my disgraceful behavior, but i'm addicted to the danger!

fat and blame circle my bones like a vulture.
i can't continue to sustain this new me.
i feel my pounds creeping back onto me.
i can't say i'm eating out of misery because i'm so damn happy!
i fear this will come to a bad end, but i can't walk away from him.

You Save Me

i can't imagine my world without you.
in this craziness i've succumb to you're like a beacon of hope lighting my way home.
your laughter is sweet music to me.
your voice brings me out from my darkest thoughts.
you save me when others fail.

you are powerful.
you are beautiful.
you are perfection.
my heart belongs to you.
you're the key to healing me.
you save me.

when i want to lock myself away and ignore the world,
you push and pull me out of my shell.
you aren't scared of me when i go crazy.
you never give up on me.
how did you get this strong?
you save me all by yourself, i'm in awe!

you are wonderful.
you are brilliant.
you are funny.
my soul belongs to you.
you're the piece of me i was missing.
you save me!

when i'm afraid you are brave.
when i fall you pick me up.
i'm supposed to help but i don't.
you are my nurse and my jester.
my angel of mercy with a mischievous grin.
you are my only truth.
you save me even when i don't know i need saved.

you are amazing.
you are courageous.
you are fabulous.
my life belongs to you.
you're the one i was waiting for.
you save me!

Hannah Nicole

i'm feeling neglected but it's because i miss you.
my patience is wearing thin waiting for our Hannah Nicole.
i see us clearly holding her in the near future.
a little pink bundle of joy with my blonde hair and your hazel eyes.

i'm feeling lost but it's because you aren't here.
my heart is on pause until you are near.
i know this is an adjustment i need to make
and when our Hannah Nicole gets here it'll be okay!

i'm feeling tired and worn out because your energy is gone.
my body needs your love to stay strong.
i know in my heart we belong.
we will be rewarded for our time apart when we see our Hannah Nicole at last.

i'm feeling hope spring up inside of me because you love me.
my soul is yours because i love you.
this love is our bond.
our Hannah Nicole will show the world we aren't wrong!

The Harder We Love

you are my purpose. my light gravitates to yours.
you and i entwined in passion's embrace erasing our past mistakes.
it feels good to hurt this way. i ache when you're away.
your kisses hold the cure. your touch purifies my soul.
together we achieve nirvana on an earthly plane.
light fills our empty spaces and the dark shadows are chased away.
there's power in our love. we've only scratched the surface.
the closer we become the deeper we trust. the harder we love!

you are my heart. my being vibrates with joy when you are near.
you and i talking about the day chases our blues away.
it amazes me how well we are in tune. i compliment you.
your energy energizes my lethargic ways.
together the world cannot help but bow to our demands.
love overcomes the most hateful of souls and we gain control.
there's no shame in our emotions. we show them proudly, like a badge of honor.
the more we proclaim our love for each other the deeper we care. the harder we love!

you are my need. my happiness depends on yours.
you and i laughing at nothing satisfies me.
it feels like the first time every time we touch.
your desire for me jolted me out of my misery. you awakened me.
together we ignite each other's fires.
luck brought us together and we've never looked back.
there's magic in our chemistry. time can't destroy us.
the faster we explore each other the deeper we become inside the other. the harder we love!

Open Concept

i'm applying the open concept to my life.
i want to be the person you see.
hand me your glasses and let me gaze at my reflection,
because i don't understand why you love me!

i'm opening my heart and letting you in.
i haul out every ugly bit of truth before your eyes.
my lies are no longer apart of me.
i revel in the truth of our love.

the taste of us mingled upon our flesh excites me.
we come together easily, making an urgent harmony.
i echo into you and you absorb all of me.
this is a magic that transcends us both.

you can see right through me.
i look at you and i tremble with joy.
my soul sings a rapturous melody.
you bring out the very best of me.

the seconds between our moments are too many.
it seems time is our only enemy.
time steals away what should be ours.
i won't stop trying to be with you more.

colors are everywhere; they surround us.
i feel the desire hanging in the air.
this passion surpasses every expectation.
i no longer worry about tomorrow.

i can accomplish any challenge with your support.
i dream you are dreaming of me.
i feel your love filling my heart with love.
my only wish is you'd open the rest of your world to me.

it's a secret hope to be with you every day.
i want to hear you say my name every night.
i want to be the last face you see before you sleep.
i want to feel the throes of our passion in your bed.
our world's merged into one open concept!

More Than We Deserve

i want to ease your pain.
i want to carry your sorrows away.
your happiness matters to me.
i don't want to be a burden to you.
i don't want to be another chore.
i know i worry too much.
this love is moving faster then the speed of light.
i want this to be the last love i have.

i tend to forget to remember it's only been a little while.
my desire to please you sustains me.
when you don't respond quickly i get tied up in a knot,
but you unravel me easily, with a word or touch!

you've become my whole world, but i'm not yours.
we aren't balanced against each other's hearts.
it hurts me to still be separated from all of you.
and to know i can't yet share every part of you.
my patience is being tested and i want to pass!

i feel like i pressure you too much sometimes.
i hold my breath, afraid to let go to this emotion.
i want to give you all of me, but you can't handle that yet.
i don't want to screw this one up.
i love you too much!

today i found out you're allergic to cats!
how did i not know that!
what else don't i know about you?
time is the cruelest tease.
it promises forever with you but moves so slowly;
i grow anxious.

my own mind stacks the deck against me.
i won't let my insecurities doom us.
you are the sun and i revolve around you.
my heart is on board but my doubts are working hard not to be ignored.
i work myself up into a fear frenzy for no reason, but your voice calms me.

you settle my nerves.
i know one day soon we won't be apart anymore.
our worlds are destined to merge!
our love will grow stronger because we both love each other more then we deserve.

You're The Man

my heart draws closer to you.
i'm not afraid anymore!
i'm looking into your hazel eyes with those gold flecks just lost in the moment.
we lean into each other; i'm breathing your breath!
this turn of events saved me from being depressed.
i was on the verge of surrendering to the darkness within me.
your smile lit back up my world!
you're the man i want to love for the rest of my life!

i can't keep this grin off of my face.
every one wants to tear us down.
every clown wants me to wear a frown.
i take their two cents and give them three cents back.
i don't care what they think; i only care about you!
you're the man that i'll keep!

i'm mesmerized by your casual off-handed comments.
if you say you'll never leave i'll believe.
you worry about me and i'll worry about you.
i see the road ahead so clearly with you.
we're going at warp speed but it's what we need.
you're the man i would say i do to!

if you forget i love you i'll remind you.
when life gets rough i'll hold on tighter.
i want to build the future together.
we can create an inferno with our love's fire!
i'll never forget the day we met.
give me your heart and we'll never part.
i know how hard it is to keep love alive,
but you're the man worth the fight!

Supermoon

i confess my love to you with anxious breath.
i wait for your response, breathlessly, for you to talk.
then you break the silence with i'm falling for you too.
happiness replaces my fear and i feel like i've taken flight.
frenzied kisses and hugs embrace our newly declared love.

there's technicalities everywhere.
there's baggage to be lifted out of the way,
but i'm willing to do the heavy lifting to keep you.
now i know you love me too! you love me too!

i knew from the first phone call you were different.
you want to disappear into us like i do.
we both show each other our insecurities.
we are exchanging our deepest secrets.
we fit together so perfectly, it's a little scary!

i spend all my seconds with you on my mind.
my body aches to feel you inside.
love has never felt so alive!
i'd do anything for just one kiss.
i feel possessive.
i want you to be mine until the end of time!

we're attempting to create a new life together.
you love to be intimate with me.
and i revel in every touch!
my body is ready for you at the sound of your name.
this love cannot be tamed.

tonight we'll make love outside under the supermoon on your kid's trampoline.
you'll fill me with your seed.
the two of us, naked, covered in the sweat of our love's labors.
we will make a memory that will last forever!

Marriage and Crazy Bombs

my heart is heavy with love for you.
every time you enter me it feel like the first time.
i can't tell you enough how much i need you.
if i affirm your hold on me, will you stay?

i have to touch you when you are near, it's a reflex.
last night i cried and my knees gave out on me!
no man has ever given me this level of pleasure before.
you break me down then build me up even higher.

you mentioned marriage and crazy bombs last night.
i can't believe marriage is on your mind!
the only crazy thing i got in my head right now is your dick!
i'm not perfect, but you are the best anti-depressant i've ever been on!

you treat me with affection and respect.
your touch is perfection, your kiss brings me bliss.
you never miss the mark; you know my heart!
i can't wait to bare your child!
i can't wait to see you hold her!
to know the two of us created her out of our love for each other!
my hopes soar when i'm with you.

you say you'll never let me go.
you talk about me dumping you, but that's something i'd never do!
i finally know where i belong.
i can't wait to jump into your arms.

i'm all in and ready to roll.
whatever you want; whatever you need;
i'm here to help you feel as alive as you make me!
this is forever - you and i - this is right!

There Is Love

you rest upon my soul; my heart is haunted by our desires.
you cast a long shadow of love over my life; when you leave your taste remains.
i go for days feasting upon your memory.
your touch reverberates against my flesh in my sleep.
the pleasure you bring me echos happiness to every part of me.
the fire you've created inside of me drives me home to you.

there is no doubt. there is no fear. there is sweetness. there is trust.

i put my faith in your love.
you make me stronger; our relationship is the glue that holds me together.
the passion we share is the ultimate reward.
your hands our magic upon my skin; i'm intoxicated by your scent.
i'm missing you right now! i reflect on our last kiss.
how it left me breathless. you've taken me to new heights.

there is no end. there is no insecurity. there is hope. there is us.

i look into the mirror and see a completed puzzle.
you were the piece i had given up on finding.
you're the perfect antidote to the poison of this world.
there's no man that has smitten me as much as you do.
we are dynamic lovers that belong together.
i finally found feelings that i don't want to hide from.

there is no escape. there is no pain. there is light. there is faith.

i hear other's doubts but they bounce right off.
i can't be anything to them because i am everything to you.
this love brings new dimensions to my world.
i feel full and satisfied. i can see to the end of forever in your arms.
i now know myself because you take the time to care.
you listen to me and reassure me you are near!

there is no lie. there is no pretense. there is you. there is love!

Cheesy Rhyme

you make me ache. you make me quake.
this fire you've sparked burns out the dark.
i won't hesitate to be the one thing you celebrate.
my entire heart's at stake, please take!

lonely and bored you found me and made me your whore.
i hunger for your touch. i love you too much.
i adore your ambition. i am ready to receive your ammunition.
you have a lock on my heart, you hold the key to me!

bring it to me. have me choke it down!
hold on to me, even while you make me drown!
this fever grips me inside out! make me yearn!
i don't want you to ever stop! make me burn!

you have my heart in your hands. do you understand?
this ground i'm on is moving fast. do you think we'll last?
life didn't prepare me for you. will you teach me the drill?
i'm sinking into your quicksand. will you offer me your hand?

i meditate to the tune of your heart beat. i swoon when you sweep me off my feet.
there's no where else for me to fall. i have to have you all!
please cum in me tonight! i beg you to give me your baby to make it alright!
the thought of you inside me makes me hunger for you all night!

deep inside of my soul you awoke my dead dreams.
i had lost all my hopes until i stared into your hazel eyes for the first time.
now i pace with anticipation of your every kiss.
i can't express how much i miss you when you're gone.

i'm falling harder and faster then ever before.
you're the one i'm betting it all on.
i won't quit until every last bit of you is mine.
our hearts are becoming synchronized!

i read every text a million times. i want you all the time.
i can't let this go. i can't let you be.
i hang on every word you speak. you make me weak.
this will never be enough. i adore you way to much.

i spin around like i'm dancing on a cloud.
you've become my drug. i crave you insatiably.
you're my lover extraordinary under the covers.
i suck you dry to get my fix! we are the perfect mix!

i talk about you all day! my friends wish you'd go away.
i want to ride you like there's no tomorrow.
i want to make us both scream and holler.
whatever the price i will pay it to get you to stay!

this feeling elevates me to crown you my king.
i worship every move you make.
i long for you to touch me and make me shake.
there's nothing i'd rather do then to fuck you!

you've overtaken my senses. you leave me defenseless.
i'm blinded by your light. only you make wrong seem right.
i think about you day and night.
no cheesy rhyme can capture what we have with each other.

i still try to document all these emotions running over me.
my static vision focuses only on your cares.
i want to fly away with you somewhere near.
where time won't pass and we can retire into each other at last!

Seeds

dreams dangle from the strings of our needs.
no subtle introductions are necessary.
it's obvious my hopes are floating upon your whims.
take what is your and i wish the seeds you're planting inside of me take hold!

i grow attached to your touch.
the nuances of your kisses leave me trembling for more.
whenever my heart gets on the edge of falling in love with you,
my mind chants we are two adults having fun again and again.
i don't know if i jump if i could survive it when you leave.

i'm a pessimist with an optimistic heart.
you're my red candle and i'm yours with no doubts.
when you're near me i feel alive.
bring your seeds of desire to me and i will receive you every time!

the sound of your voice is intoxicating.
you love my greed and i love your ambition.
we're a hell of a pair spinning faster then bent air.
give me a piece of you that will never leave.
one seed is all i need;
then every tomorrow you will be with me!

you've worked your way under my skin.
i revel in the existence of you.
each new day brings more ecstasy.
the nights i only hold you in my dreams.
this puzzle is incomplete.
i'm empty with the pain.
i ache for you to fill me up with the seeds of your needs.

you surprise me with unexpected visits.
i run to you like i've been lost and now you've found me at last.
if this is a honeymoon phase i hope it never passes.
now i realize i can't stop this.
i crave your seed like a narcotic!

in my past there are booby traps.
bad decisions and mistakes riddle the stories i keep.
i can't explain why i think i've changed.
your light draws me into you.
the taste of you lingers on my tongue and mind.
i need your seed to complete me!

Creeper

why do you come around here?
don't you know all you cause is fear?
take a hint creeper and fuck off!

you spring yourself on people like a bear trap.
your alcoholic stupor leaves a stench!
take a hint creeper and slink off;
back into the dark where you came from!

i don't want you!
i don't like you!
your eyes creep me out!
i know you're disappointed.
you thought i'd be easy, but you make my skin crawl!

creeper take the short road home!
i want you gone forever.
i'm locking my doors.
i'm checking them twice.
i'm finished being nice.
loser, take this advice, creeper someone else!

it's not my job to prop you up.
i'm not your friend.
this has to end.
don't hang around like the unwanted fly on the wall.
have some pride and leave!
i can't take your creepy ways anymore!

take the bus creeper.
take the train creeper.
just take the next step out of here creeper!
leave me be!

Wild

i can't stop thinking about the taste of your kiss,
your hands on my hips,
the heat of your body pressed against mine,
and your scent driving me wild!

you're intoxicating,
absolutely fascinating,
i love your smile, your hazel eyes and laugh.
your touch is driving me wild!

every text you tease me higher,
anticipation drawn out,
you make every moment we have count,
until we come together.
then you make me go wild!

you whisper you want me.
i feel how much you need me.
my head's spinning,
i hold my breath,
because you're driving me wild!

i can't get enough.
i can't believe it's only been a month!
i'm so drunk on you!
i'm high on your junk!
man you're making me go wild!

Revolve

my life is being lived backwards.
i began young with grown up ways.
now i just want to have fun!
i'm feeling greedy and hungry!
love me, need me, feed me!
i'll wrap myself around you and take you into me.
just let me have all of you
and i'll give you my everything!
i want you to focus on me.
put me in the center of your world.
revolve around me baby!
revolve around me!

i'm bubbly and so alive!
your life just jumped off its boring track.
hop onto me and never look back!
i ride every wave of ecstasy you bring.
you carry me away with every breath.
love me, want me, eat me!
you'll fill me up with your seed and i'll be what you need.
this isn't your typical affair.
fate brought us together on the luckiest of days.
now we take this path because we dare!
together we can rule this world!
revolve with me baby!
revolve around each other forever!

Waiting to Inhale

i'm out of pop and patience waiting on you.
my heart is empty as Jesus' tomb.
you keep leading me into the fire,
but i hit a dead end when you're gone.

i'm sitting here holding a tissue and a pen.
waiting to inhale your exhale once again.
i got a song creeping into my head
cuz you left my heart bleeding again!

there's anticipation and then there's playing games.
i'm at a loss at which one this is.
do you even know what you do to me?
i keep waiting to inhale your exhale once again.

it's been one week and three days without your breath against my flesh.
i hunger and i ache to feel your skin.
the taste of you does me in.
you say you're a hurtin' too,
but you aren't here, so am i the fool?

i'm thinking about the last time you came.
my body was cooling while my heart caught fire.
you burned me down from the inside out.
can i trust you with my war torn heart?

there's joy then there's bait and switch.
i'm confused everyday on which this will be.
do you care that you tie me in a knot?
i keep waiting to inhale your exhale once again.
i feel like i'll be waiting until i die!

My New Heart

you caught me with my walls down.
you walked right in and staked your claim.
i don't want to fight this.
i'm letting you take control.
i'm letting go!

hearts beat to different drums
but when i'm with you we beat as one.
goodbyes, tears and fears fade away.
my dreams dance around your face.
i want to be yours!

i caught your eye on a lucky day,
but you make your own luck you say!
i find my mind stuck on you.
i can't wait for you to take me.
i'm yearning and burning for you to be inside of me!
i'm losing control!

i feel dainty and sexy with you.
you make me be more of a woman.
i don't waste time on being insecure.
there's a twinkle in your eyes.
with your strength i feel strong.
in your arms i finally belong!

i'm have the time of my life;
exploring my submissive side.
i've waited so long for a man like you.
i'd do anything to have you smile at me.
my own needs are met when i meet yours.
this is the start of my new heart!

Rent Free

a couple of clicks of the mouse and i sent your cheating heart out to her.
she was clueless, but now she's aware.
you aren't up on her pedestal anymore.
i shot an arrow through all of our hearts.

you told me you'd never talk to me again.
the fallout from you was expected.
i'm hoping now that the cord between us has been so coldly severed i can move on from you.
you weren't good to me.
i'm a person, but you only took from me.

i feel in control finally.
i'm sad she had to be caught in the middle.
i have to take what i've learned from you dominance of me.
i can't let you live rent free in my head anymore.

my stomach turns at the thought of coming face to face with you.
so far you've stayed away.
i didn't mean to chase you off of facebook or out of your apartment.
time will heal these wounds too!

i know you'll twist my words into what you need.
i wasn't able to tell you our relationship was hurting me.
when you touch me i lose all my senses.
there was only one way i could think to end this.
i crossed that line and now i need to stay strong.

i didn't matter to you.
you hurt me again and again and i LET YOU!!!
i have to accept that i created my own cage and gave you the key.
i have to answer to myself why i let you use me without mercy.
i have forgiveness in my heart for you,
and with time it'll get better for all of us!

Silence, Do You Some Good?!

silence is more precious then gold.
leave the sound out of your mind.
focus on what you're feeling.
breathe slow and deep to relax.
can you reach a peaceful place yet?

close your eyes to block out the world.
hold yourself for comfort.
your the only one that's always there for you.
focus on every tactile brush of your hand.
come and find what sets you free.

do you need a pill to see?
are you addicted to the numbness?
let the anger flow out of you.
let the creativity take control of you.
reclaim your soul.

my dreams are full of darkness.
i ca't forget the pain.
i'm unable to focus my thoughts.
purgatory is living;
hell is ignoring you're alive.

freedom is relative;
i've built a hell hole.
my hidden self trapped.
focus on the light.
move toward the sunshine;
one step at a time.

i see.
i feel.
the numbness has begun to fade,
but here comes the pain!

In Between

i'm sitting here thinking about my life.
there's been so many up's and down's.
i've had high's and low's around every guy,
but lately, i feel hung up in between heartbreak and happiness.

there's no tears or screams this time.
i got all i need and most of what i wanted.
i'm tired of reaching beyond my means.
i may not have everything but i'm in between rich and poor.

the quiet surrounds me and i'm content.
i've gotten used to the mundane.
there's nothing wrong with me.
i enjoy the moments of solitude.
i like being in between over and under whelmed.

some would complain that all the passion is gone,
but i adore the peace in my heart.
no amount of money could buy me this mellow groove.
i dance around humming an upbeat melody.
i'm going to savor every in between day!

hurry me up or slow me down,
i'm not going to complain.
there's a complacent tone in my soul.
there's a smile on my face.
so you can be in between my good side and bad side,
and i won't get mad.

the holy spirit isn't whispering to me today.
my thoughts are coming at a good pace.
i've got my time lined up nice and neat.
i'll stay in between busy and bored this week.

you might joke about my obliviousness.
i'd walk past a fire in complete calm.
i'm centered and complete.
if i could stay in between heaven and hell for the rest of my life,
i'd be okay!

Better

tied to a butterfly's wings my anxiety flies away.
the wind and rain pound onto my heart in vain.
my strength waivers at times but i maintain i matter.
today i feel better!

happiness has never defined my life.
my personality teeters between crazy and crazier.
i give each man i love all i got but it ain't ever enough.
today i'll do better!

mood swings and personal demons take their toll.
i'm hard to like and harder to love.
the medication only destroys what makes me shine.
today i'll be better!

lonesome tears stain my cheeks.
life's sorrows overfill my cup.
on each horizon i see the road i should have been on.
today i'll choose better!

tomorrow brings unpredictable feelings.
i might be happy or i might be sad.
there's no way for me to make any kind of guarantee,
but today i was better!

Misery's Bitch

did you find that rabbit hole where you were hoping to find your soul?
i fell into an invisible man.
he missed what he never did understand.
he's fed, fat and happy, but i'm plotting the perfect moment for my revenge.
the cold air nuzzles my neck and chokes on my cigarette.
i'm riding his hot air to the clouds and sliding to hell on his icy stare.
there's loves embrace and fear's kisses all jumbled up inside my memories of him.

do you keep her next to your shiny new car like a trophy that says you're a star?
she thinks you're in love with her, but we both know that's not true.
loneliness stalks you with every lie you utter to her.
she's not going to buy your delay tactics forever.
she's the kind of woman that marries;
and your the kind of man that worries she wants to marry you.
i'm chasing down karma and pointing it to your door.
stack the deck anyway you want.
the truth has a way of coming out.
i can wait for your life to fall apart.
your hands were never there to hold mine when i needed it,
so mine won't be there for you when she leaves you.

did i set this up so i always lose everything?
maybe i'm hard wired to be misery's bitch, but i stopped lying.
you never broke character with me or her.
how long can you keep pretending to be the man she wants you to be?
no wonder you're always sleeping, all this acting must be exhausting!
i'd beat some sense into you if i thought you could feel.
i've had my breakdown; i wonder how long it'll be until yours comes around.
i dreamed about you lying in bed with me instead of her.
i don't know if it was a nightmare but it scared me.
you and i together won't ever be, because that would be pure misery!

Outer Space

everyone is looking fatter to me.
is it my paranoia about my weight gain reflecting back onto me?
i obsess over the numbers on the wii.
i want to be in the normal zone so badly!
all my energy is being sucked away.
i can't help but think if i were thinner he'd be here today.

it helps to blame something physical.
when i know the problem is in my head.
it's easier to starve myself then to change.
i'm saving a lot of money this way.
i'm learning what my ribs look like again.

he said i was pretty, but i'm not prettier then her.
i know i can't win this race.
he'll marry her and live happily without me,
like i never existed!

he might as well be in outer space now,
because we aren't in each other's orbits anymore.
i miss him more then i realized i would.
the heartache fuels my depressed state.

once i give him what's due he'll disappear.
i want to owe him forever just so i can hold him.
all naughtiness comes to an end,
but i would love for him to bend me over again.

if i had courage my favorite color wouldn't be yellow
and i'd be bold enough to stake my claim.
but i can't and he won't,
so i sit here and choke on the tears i have no right to cry.
i'll embrace my lonely self and tuck myself in at night;
so i can pretend he dreams of me like i do him!

Favorite Chocolate Bar

i'm inhaling the leftover scent of your cologne.
i try to capture your intense presence in a jar.
your hazel eyes inspired me to fall.
i want to take this feeling and hang it up like a poster on my wall.
you could be my idol and i could be your doll,
but i'm not grammy material.
and the music we made ended on the wrong note.
now your voice is lost to me!

i want to recycle my memories into toys for poor kids
or maybe turn myself into your favorite chocolate bar,
then you would love me as much as pooh bear loves his honey.
please change your cooling affections!
it's sunday maybe by thursday you'll want me again.
i'm nowhere without your hands dancing with desire over my skin.
i feel like i've fallen into an empty pit of despair;
instead of you keeping me warm i wear thermal underwear.

take a laser and carve you out of my brain.
be thorough, i want to forget every little thing.
why couldn't you like me the most?
if you were a drug i'd be your abuser.
the words growled under your breath fester like open wounds upon my flesh.
open up my chest and remove my heart;
it's not important to me if you aren't here for me to love!

Unexpected Praise

touch me when i don't want you to.
push past all the bullshit i say to you.
i've got chocolate on my forehead
and a broken heart in the mail to you.
i'm too young to be so done with living,
but when you focused on me i wanted to live forever.

a number dances on my mind,
48, 48, 48 is when she died.
i don't know how much longer i've got,
so wasting this time loving you really sucks.
i worry about dying every day.
my demons are winning in every way.

you told me my writing blew you away.
i latch onto this unexpected praise.
intentions and desires clash and clog my vision.
i have lost all my perceptions.
you need to tell me what you really think when you think about me.

i seek solace in a forgiving man,
but he's never here when i need him the most.
i'm beginning to retreat back into my head.
this man isn't really my friend.
i ask for a simple hug and i get a shrug.

i don't want you to touch me anymore.
my shut down has commenced.
i'm giving you a big send off.
my heart is being shipped out
and i don't want it to ever come back.

Console Myself

cramps, blood, pain, misery; all has befallen me.
failure, disappointment, fear, doubt; all are present here with me.
there's been a total eclipse of my soul.
crashing waves of angry thoughts beat me down.
thrashing words whip me from out of your mouth.
my savior flies south while i walk north.
there's only an echo to keep me company now!

a solemn mood has settled over me.
my emotions hesitate to be.
every color bleeds.
notice the little wrinkles on my forehead.
i'm rotting away.
my flesh dries out.
every breath is death.

despair, loneliness, sadness, madness; all perch upon my shoulders.
aches, spasms, depression, exhaustion; all kick me when i'm down.
there's a hostile take over going on in my heart.
hurling accusations hit me hard.
whirling clouds of confusion take my breath away.
my hopes took the last bus out of town.
there's only me to console myself now!

Wrestle the Devil

i keep waiting for something awesome to happen to me.
i'm lazy!
i need to pull my head out of my ass.
i'd rather dream my life away then work too hard.
i love to play!
i'd like to do that everyday, but i get bored.
i've forgotten i'm capable enough to learn new things.
my downward spiral into inactivity has hit rock bottom.
i have to dust off my inner sun and let it shine!

i can write so why can't i sing too?
i can walk so now it's time to run.
i can talk so now i should say something important.
i can love so now i should show someone.
i have all these skill being unused.
i'm taking a step back so i can move forward.

i'm done waiting for the world to take notice.
my attitude is shifting back into alignment.
i'm not going to worry about tomorrow.
today is the only day that matters.
every moment requires my attention.
i'll wrestle the devil out of these details
and i will conquer my inner demons!

Ohio Cold

i can't stay another day alone in this ohio cold.
if i were better behaved would you come back to stay?
it's dark by 6pm.
the single digit temperatures chase away all the warmth i have.
baby, please come home.
you're all i have to hold in this ohio cold.

these nights are wearing me down.
my heart is frozen solid and one more hurtful word from you
my heart will surely shatter;
as things do in this ohio cold.

am i not good enough for you?
you've forgotten me again, haven't you?
why do you run away from me and leave me to cry in this ohio cold?
i'm so tired and my bones ache.
i can't think clearly and you're so calm.
you aren't here suffering with me in this ohio cold.

i can't stay another day alone in this ohio cold.

Iron Will

my iron will has rusted out
leaving me susceptible to your smarmy charms.
there's no coffin big enough to hold all my doubts,
but i'll bury myself under your false pretenses.

my escape must be flawless.
i've super glued my smile on my face.
the duct tape holds my heart in place.
i can't chase you when you aren't running.
i have to laugh at how i thought you were sincere.

my fallacy was assuming you knew how to tell the truth.
i'm exhausted from arguing with myself.
i don't have any self-esteem left to give you.
support for us is down to my left pinky finger and i'm ready to cut it off.

my ears are burning from the lies you say.
i've stuffed my heart with fat to kill it.
i'd rather die at my own hands then your demands.
misery is lonely that is why it craves company.

my cognitive distortion was my thinking you'd leave her.
magical thinking can't bring me satisfaction.
your animal magnetism blew me away.
i felt you inside of me so the emotions must be real.

my groundless accusations are gaining traction.
i was told you like dirt better then having sex with me.
you're crazy to think this hasn't become personal.
i don't want to jump to conclusions, but you leave me no where else to go.

my discretion is growing from a whisper to a shout.
the lies must stop before they take over.
i disappear behind the cold wind of winter.
for now i think i can keep a lid on myself,
but i can't tell you it's forever or just until tomorrow.

Verb

i lay in bed mesmerized by the ceiling again.
i close my eyes and i see light and dark.
the shadows chase me when i try to sleep.
i feel my face with my fingertips.
i press against the bone underneath my flesh.
i feel caged in and i want to dig my nails into my skin
and tear away what brings me pain.

the path is getting narrow.
the darkness is getting stronger.
i'm turning into a being of pure feeling.
my senses are reeling.
i don't know if it's the drugs leaving or the real me being.

this life of people, lies, and sex smells like shit.
i want to break my own neck.
when the sun hides, when the clouds conceal; that's when my mind comes alive.
i spin through a billion thoughts.
i'm devoured nerve by nerve.
the air is pushing down and in on me.
all i suffer is never enough.

sacrifice me at your will.
i'm breaking down.
i can't stay wrapped up in a bubble.
i think too damn much.
i am power; raw, sensual, sexual fire.
all the reality blurs as my world collapses with one word, verb!

Time Bomb

don't charge me admission to my own execution.
the hang man's rope calls out to me.
all these hopes that died on my tongue leave me crushed by their gravity.
the peace lily is dying; the war within is still raging.
someday i wanted to change, but not today!

you were the bigger man and that makes me sad.
don't judge me by your own moral standards.
the ten commandments are more like guidelines i ignore all the time.
i envy. i covet. i lust. i fornicate. i lie. i steal. i cheat.
i don't ask for respect because i never give it.
there's no honor inside this broken down whore i've become.

the most i get takes all i got.
don't think you know what i'm going to do next.
i don't know where i'm going or what i'm doing.
i saw you were back here last night smoking.
you didn't even bother to say hi.
the words you gave me were to pacify.
we're both afraid i'm going to lose my mind.

my insides are malfunctioning.
don't believe it's guilt because i'm falling apart.
it's just my broken heart flooding my system with those tears you wouldn't let me cry.
the fears have overtaken all my reason.
your voice had lulled me into submission.
we aren't friend but you like to pretend we are.
your influence over me is fading at last.
one day you'll piss me off and that will set me off, but not today!
i'm a ticking time bomb with a broken clock!

Big Bad Wolf

sunsets come and go
contagious diseases spread rapidly
obvious choices get ignored
time settles everyone down
tomorrow you don't want to wake up alone

girls become women you can't trust
emptiness follows your every step
reasons no longer add up
all your houses got blown down
love has become your big bad wolf
demons have replaced your dreams

calluses have formed over your heart
openess is a concept you forgot
utopia is a woman too desperate to ask questions
little by little the world folds in on you
ominous clouds are rolling in
misery is calling you in the middle of the night
beware the woman that loves you with all her might
everyone screws up, you just screw everyone

Drink It Away

i abandoned my pants in the hallway;
the contents of my stomach are in the toilet.
my body is trying to get this poison out of me, but i don't quit.
i want the alcohol to bring me oblivion.
i'm going to drink it away.

the thoughts slow down to one at a time.
my mind is wrapped up in a warm fog.
i see but i don't feel.
i take another shot to kill all the pain i got.
i'm going to drink it away.

the days and nights pass me by in a haze.
my compulsions to touch you are buried under booze.
if i begin to move, i pour one more.
one day i won't need this crutch.
one day i'll drink away the memory of your touch.

you are all i think about.
you are consuming me.
you told me i hurt you, but you hurt me too.
we were pure, but i always feel dirty.
i got jealous and tired of being runner up to her.
i'm going to drink it away.

this rejection burns as i swallow another one down.
my desire's flame is being doused by the whiskey's sting.
why'd i let you in because now i can't get you out.
i feel like i'm bleeding to death.
life is love and love is pain.
i will drink it away!

Be the One

be the one to show me the way, make my day.
my love is fragile; i'm running on empty.
do you know how to fix a broken hearted soul?
please tell me you understand and give me one more chance.
all i need is one more chance to love someone.

be the one to show me the way, make my day.
my soul is bitter; i'm sick of being alone.
can you help me find my happiness inside the coldness?
please say you've been here too and love me.
all i need is for you to love me.

be what you are, my beacon of hope.
be who i see, my soul mate.
be everything to me, my lover and best friend.
be the one to show me the way.
come on baby, make my day.
i know you're the one, please make my day!

Heat in a Moment

it's a dark night, stars and moon are out of sight.
our cooling bodies entangled in the sheets.
the distant worries begin to accumulate.
life is altered from how we've known it.
all in the transfer of our body heat in a moment.
the passion ripples inside our bodies but my heart is unmoved.

i waited years to touch and kiss you.
i wanted you for so long i had almost quit,
but events unfolded like a treasure map.
you were led to me and i embraced you.
i'm not one to think things through
and now that our heat in a moment is at an end...

it's quiet as we lay side by side staring up at the ceiling.
the house could be on burning down and we wouldn't move.
the magic spell of passion's heat in a moment has been broken.
we both are wondering where do we go from here!

this adventure wasn't as fulfilling as i had dreamnt.
i built this moment up in my fantasies and reality tore it down.
my attention span has been redirected and you haven't even left my bed.
as the night slowly turns into day, this heat in a moment fades away.

i'm running like i always do, until another man catches my eye.
i love having a new one to pursue.
the chase is the heat that builds slowly before it ignites me.
one day i'll stop and regret all the love i've let pass me by,
but now i have to tell you good bye.
there's this really good looking guy i want to try!

It Hurts

my life has been swallowed by my fantasies.
i don't want to be brave.
i want to run!
i want to hide!
life has become a burden.
i want to escape reality and it hurts.

i wonder throughout the sterile hallways of my brain.
i continue to search for my happiness, but it hurts.
i've closed off my emotions.
i can't afford the luxury of falling in love and it hurts.

my hopes rise too easily and my hopes burn out too quickly.
i have 100% turn around.
i know my life wasn't always a merry-go-round of pain.
i can't rewind me and it hurts.

i want him to want to be with me.
i shouldn't have to beg, lie, or plea.
i see his light and i'm greedy.
i want to be in his spotlight, but that's not what we are.
he's not that into me and it hurts.

my destiny has to be more then lying around in my PJ's all day.
i swear i'm beginning to understand what the dog is saying.
i'm all alone and it hurts.
my world is shrinking and it hurts.

No More Hugs

akward glances meet nonchalant shrugs, it means no more hugs.
my thoughts linger on the marlboro taste of your kisses.
if i could paint the perfect picture of us i'd paint you nuzzling my breasts.
destitute and desperate, i bet the rest of my love on you.
life keeps showing me there's no such thing as a sure bet,
but my heart refused to believe and we fell for your charms still.

i see the trajectory of your wants like a bullet from a gun.
you ripped through me and continued on with your fun.
there never was any talk of love, just chemical infused suggestions.
if pain feels this good then hurt me some more.
i'm a glutton for you punishments and adore being your whore.

pluck away on my heartstrings, i can't feel their pull anymore.
i'd slash your big hoss tires i could see your fire once more.
the only way i vibrate is when you shake me to my core.
all of this has become an anti-thesis of a bore.

the myopic lullabye of my obsession plays on in my head.
i hum along to your memory as i masterbate myself to sleep.
my flesh and blood has trapped our sin between my ears.
my pride never existed when you were by my side,
but i'd die a thousand times just to taste your cum one more time.

epic love stories like romeo and juliet can't be wrong.
love is the truest when everyone else thinks it doesn't belong.
the poison is the lust that makes the rest of our lives lose its luster.
we shift into overdrive to capture the thrill of life.
only when you and i come together do we get back into the vibe.
my weakness is your touch, i need you to glow!

Far Flung Angel

tossed aside like a worn out rag doll,
i wanted you to kiss away my tears.
all my life i danced to the tune of my fears.
i see the end of the road and i'm not liking it!
the collision is destined and i have to live with that.

God threw me out into the world;
blonde and grey eyed, daddy's little angel;
one mistake followed by another,
it all adds up to me being a nervous wreck.
i pray to God for some relief,
but this far flung angel is out of His reach!

tell me the truth, i know it'll hurt.
i've sugar coated my faults and now no one recognizes me including me.
i wrote it all down in an emergency suicide note,
but i'll never kill myself,
but one day i'll destroy myself.

little girls are supposed to be sugar and spice and everything nice,
but i'm just crazy with rotten habits i can't break.
mommy's little angel lives life to the hilt.
my halo's broken and my wings are torn.
God has forgotten this far flung angel He used to adore.

i wish upon a planet.
my wishes are too big for the stars.
i want silence inside my head and peace within my heart.
i don't know where to start.
i saw the world in black and white,
but now i'm so far out i can't find the light.

dear God,
i'm off course.
i've flung myself upon the mercy of sin
and you can see what bad shape i am in.
please forgive this far flung angel and let me back in!

Here We Go

hearts, stars and butterflies entangle in the first crush;
the sudden rush of awareness between boy and girl.
that first catch of breath,
the speeding of their hearts.
the sudden urge to grab hold of another person
and press lips to lips;
not understanding fully the risk of heartache.
only feeling pure raw passion coarsing through your body,
like a lightening bolt that's jolted you from head to toe.
hold on,
hold on,
here we go...

Incomplete

i ask you to marry me in one sentence
and downplay it as jest in the next,
but if my heart could shout
it would cry out for you to be my man!

i'm right here, but you don't see me.
i'd love to expand the world's population with you.
your shaved head, goatee, and hazel eyes have me mesmerized.
how do i take control with you when i've never had it before?

i don't want a phone smarter then me.
caves, bungee jumps, and roller coasters don't call out to me.
the adventure i seek drinks his whiskey neat.
he doesn't cut corners, is borderline ocd, and eats meat.

promises haven't been exchanged.
we make out and dry hump regularly.
the build up to something more has fizzled out.
my mental images are the only ones getting off.

i love chocolate, the color yellow, and daffodils.
i hate clowns, death, and people who mock me.
what i know about scott can't complete this sentence.
he camps, off roads certain vehicles, and loves at least 1 of his 7 children.

my file on him is as incomplete as this poem.
i think we'd set the world on fire together.
our demons can throw one hell of a party.
little petey and i could meet daily.

let's talk about our feelings.
undo the damage done by years of neglect.
i'll take your hand and understand.
i'll love all of you and not just the parts i like.

you're a whole person, both good and bad.
i want to know it all.
please show me every part of your personality.
i know it's more complicated then i think.

i'm not here to save you or fix you.
you don't need that from me.
i accept you just the way you are.
you're beautiful to me.

but you never gave me a chance to love you.
this romance was all happenstance.
now you get a faux happy ending with her
and i'm left alone and incomplete!

Button

he should be angry but he's not.
i should've found a button to push by now, but i've not.
he's unpredictable and it's freaking me out.
he zigs when i zag.
he'd driving me mad!

desire flares my nostrils and dilates my pupils.
physically he provokes uncontrollable responses from me.
emotionally he confuses the fuck out of me.
i can't figure him out.
maybe he's playing me, but i got to find out.

he says one thing and does another.
i say i'm done, but i can't walk away.
he's never what i expect him to be.
he brings out every side of me.
he's always one step ahead of me!

happiness makes me smile and laugh.
cosmically he makes me feel alive again.
mentally we're acting like teenagers.
i'm unable to process all these emotions.
maybe it's time to run!

Melody for My Misery

i'll go emily dickinson on you;
lock myself up in my room and wear only white.
let the neighborhood children whisper about me while all i do is write.
i'll hear their laughter and use it as melody for my misery.
these poems will lay about scattered around the house until i die.
all my quirks, madness and antidotes will spread like a virus through cyber air.
these dreams i dare to dare.

i might work up the nerve to sylvia plath myself one day.
there's no expectations to live up to so i just play.
i amuse myself for hours staring at the ceiling or counting imaginary wild flowers.
life feeds off of power.
i gave mine to you, so now i wait for death like a coward.
please someone see me.
please come and get me.

i miss being human.
every door is locked.
every watch has stopped.
my windows are shuttered.
i sit and rot within my brain full of clutter.
maybe i could capture my inner poe.
i feel subtle rage when i stub my big toe.
the darkness swills down my throat.
i swallow hard so i don't choke.
bird's scare me and words fear me;
this will be my never more ending...
pity, pity, pity me!

Every Minute

for every minute i'm up there's 10 that i'm down,
but i hide the sad from you.
your wants supercede mine.
i drift away into impossible thoughts.
knowledge cripples my emotions.
i would abandon reason to be your friend.

our bridge is barely standing.
i keep chipping away at its foundation.
the urge to blow us all to hell tackles me to the ground.
destruction makes me feel.
i don't deserve to be close to you.

you aren't responsible for me.
we were two limbidos doing a vertical limbo.
you can let go because you never held on.
we'll never know how high we could've gone.
i imploded from arguments we only had in my head.
there's a thousands of words i heard that you never said.

crazier things happen every day.
why can't you be with me?
obstacles are meant to be overcome.
there's never still water in your heart.
i'm too unique and hard to forget.
i leave an imprint.

for every minute i spend without you there's 10 i'm wanting to hold you,
but i hide the love from you.
your dreams trump mine.
i build you up in my fantasies.
obsession takes over all logic.
i would kill her to keep you here with me till the end.

Green-Eyed Monster

i wish i was the center of your universe.
our paths must have traversed for a purpose.
this can't be our swan song.
the hollow echo of our unfulfilled potential rings over & over in my ears!

your hazel eyes beckon me to kiss you.
our fluids have been swapped and made a glorious mess.
now it's akward, this sudden breakdown of talk.
let's focus on what we do best with our tongues and hands.
emotional connections can't be tested if they don't exist.

your world collided into my wan existence.
you can't walk away after you change everything.
i don't know what makes you tick,
but when we're together it just clicks.
lies are okay if it all ends up the way i want.
it's not the journey but the destination that matters in this fight.

i'm tempted to go super nova on your life, but i still want to hold you.
i'm conflicted between vengeance and desire.
if i could have both, true satisfaction would be mine.
i know you say mean things about me.
i hear you've been talking trash.
i thought you were better then that.

i've managed to keep my green-eyed monster locked away,
but the door's shaking and i can hear it roar.
i don't know how much longer it can be ignored.
this urge i have to reap what you've sown.
to kill every dream you have in your heart.

make your choices wisely.
choose your next words carefully.
because once this thing gets started i can't stop it;
the green-eyed monster in me will devour you and your world
and we will both get torn apart!

Every Screw

i'm gonna climb the highest mountain and catch a ride on a shooting star.
i'm going to ride it until it falls.
i'll take this high until i crash and burn.
up i go with no safety net,
no hopes or dreams to catch,
i'll never accept i can shine.

bring me a piece of the sun.
close out this darkness.
hold onto your criticims.
i don't need an activist.
i won't reject you if you'll let me go.

i lost it back there.
i keep climbing stairs to nowhere.
my heart is smoking a special blend of fears.

the devil told me God didn't want me,
but yesterday i saw an angel smiling at me.
somewhere between my destruction and my salvation is where i can find what i need.

buy me a teflon soul.
let my nervous system reboot.
i didn't need a preacher.
your opinions are freely given,
but cost me all i hold dear.

i'm dancing across our history.
i feel like newly fallen snow my dog just shit on.
you never could let me slide.
you got to tighten every screw in my mind.

i can't forget the seeds you plant.
i got my weed whacker in shot glasses.
i'll cure this afflication until it kills you in my reflections.

i say crazy things and i mean them.
i deal in quantum madness.
multiply me by my infinite sadness.
the blackhole i've swallowed is turning me into you.
God forbid if there are two!

The Love They Got

you won't find my heart in the high priced aisle's;
it's stuck in the back, marked down, got to go,
almost free & it don't even got to be to a good home.
i watch the people pass me by
and i wonder if i'm too tattered and torn
to ever get the love they got.

i went fishing for a committment
using a baby as the bait.
my uterus let me down.
now i don't have a shot in hell of keeping
either man from running away from me as fast as they can.

you won't see my soul singing hymns up in heaven.
it'll be dancing in hell fire, almost burnt beyond recognition,
numb to the pain, and smoldering with sin.
i watch the righteous on the tv
and i know i'm too broken and forlorn
to ever get God's love like they got.

i filled my head up with happy endings.
i was giving my love away like it didn't hurt me in any way.
my hopes of someone falling in love with me
has every one laughing at me behind my back.
you won't see me out begging.
the love they got i don't want it anymore!

My Lost Hope

you were a hope i never got to hold.
this morning my world came apart.
my heart has frozen solid and stopped.
this is how it feels to lose a child.
i never got to see you born.
God gave me the possibility of you,
but then God took away the reality of you.

i still have the booties and the sleeper.
i'm trying to wrap my mind around not being able to keep you.
i'm devastated and hurting.
the physical pain will fade as you bleed out of me,
but the sorrow i feel will never fade.
i'm sorry i wasn't able to stop you from leaving.

i've been reassured this isn't my fault,
but i feel as if i'm being punished by God.
i don't even know if you were a boy or a girl.
my lost hope, i love you still.
i feel literally empty without you.
i'm the only one who wanted you.
i would've cherished and adored you.
my little angel, rest in heaven now,
i will always miss you.

Eye Candy

my heart's enlarged with love.
i want to pour it out all over you.
i want to pour my love all over, all over, all over you.

i'm a true soul which is better then those women that fly past you in the night.
i'm reaching out to you, but you won't let me get to you.
the eye candy you chase after can't fill up those holes inside of you.
let me heal your shattered soul and make you whole.

i know i'm not as appetising as the eye candy surrounding you,but my love is honest.
can any of them say that to you?
can they love you for you?
are they able to see the fragile human being that hurts like i do, like i do?

i've been burnt like you, but i still try to find love and i've found you.
isnt' that enough?
i want to help you get back to a better place.
i want to hold onto you until our heart's beat as one.
i'm the one that can make it all better, all better for you.

i'm not easy and i see easier tempting you, but that high won't last long.
underneath her pretty lies a hollow heart, she can't help you.
i'm not a ten but you are only 10 percent a person.
together we can make peace in each other's souls.
let me give you all my love.
let me, let me, let me love you.

you're not sure if what people say to you is the truth.
you're afraid of being used and i can't disagree.
life without love just isn't real.
please take this chance i'm offering you to feel something true.
let's jump into love together.
together we can find happiness.

my heart's enlarged with love.
i want to pour it all over you.
i want to pour my love all over, all over, all over you.